Four years ago today, I became a Mother..
My waters started breaking 24 hours before-hand, and when I didn’t progress, my OB induced me the following day. I gave birth to my daughter that night, after a 14 hour labour, and 1 hour of pushing..
I can tell you, without a doubt, that this photo accurately represents how I feel. I was tired. I was holding a baby. That’s it.
I have NEVER, EVER shared this photo before.
I didn’t know who this baby was. Was she mine? Where did she come from? I guess I was in a bit of shock. An hour after pushing her out, I was out of there and off to BirthCare, in Parnell (a gift from my parents).
It took me a good few days to truly understand that she was mine, and that I was responsible for her, and that’s when it hit me:
Holy shit. I was responsible for this child.
And that’s when being scared set in.
I had to teach her everything. I was responsible for her. Speaking. Morales. How to act. How to behave. How to do … OMG EVERYTHING.
I was petrified. The weight of responsibility was huge. What if I stuffed it up? What if I got it wrong? What if I KILLED HER!!???
I honestly was so scared. I didn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t. What if I looked like a failure? I already spent the first few days unsure of who the child was, so these thoughts made it even worse!
I have to tell you that it took me a LONG time to get used to the fact that I was a mother. That I was responsible for this child’s upbringing.
Even now I get scared.
My only piece of advice for new Mums, is that raising a child is a slow process. It doesn’t happen all at once.
It will be ok.
If you ever need to chat to anyone, please feel free to message me.
Feeling like you don’t know who your new baby is, is actually quite common (as I have found in my research). It doesn’t mean you’re a failure.
Also, if you love your baby the moment you see them – that is ok too! There is no right or wrong.
Happy 4th birthday to my daughter, and happy 4th birthday to me, surviving parenthood.
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